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05/16/2008
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Triple Crown
Wrap 2006
Support, Silliness and the Ham Chamois
Going Gonzo with the Whores
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I wasn't stoked when James Wilson first pitched his Triple Crown idea to me.
I guess it sounded too much like a cross country race - or worse - one of those
adventure races that are all about suffering. I appreciate a good effort
but I also like to season my endorphins with more than a pinch of adrenaline.
Death marches are not my thing. Last year I missed the TC because I was
away at Silver Star with our team and I wouldn't have described my mental state
as disappointed. When I got home stories began trickling in about crazy
antics, riders losing their way and of course the Shuttlewhores. It began
to sound like fun but still not my thing so you can imagine my mixed emotions
waking up the day after the CBC Ripper realizing I had volunteered to go along
with the Shuttlewhores as Gonzo journalist.
These men are glad but they aren't from Glad. Team
Shuttlewhore musters the coolers. Photo ~ Donhok Han
I didn't know what to expect riding with the Whores but I knew pain would be
involved no matter who I was riding with. The TC involves riding within
striking distance of the top of all three North Shore Mountains and Team Shuttlewhore
rode the whole thing last year - without any shuttling. I wasn't packing
anything to calculate distance or vertical but I knew it was likely to be around
70 kms with 2300 metres of climbing (45 miles and around 7500 feet).
I wasn't too worried about the descending but I rarely put that many hours into
my legs anymore. Luckily the Triple Crown is not a race. It's a
Poker Rip where you collect cards at seven stations across the North Shore.
The best hand is supposed to win but really everyone wins - especially because
all our entry fees go straight to the nsmbA.
There are no rules in the Triple Crown about how to get from A to B but most
riders pedalled the whole thing. A few riders who shuttled a lot of it
last year pedalled the whole thing this year. It's that sort of infectious
event - sort of like crabs only not as itchy.
Left to Right - Sharon Bader (in green) Tammy Schouw and Ken
Bigelow do a huge portion of the work to keep the Rippers Ripping. Thanks
to them and all the fantastic volunteers. Photo ~ Cam McRae
There were Whores on Big Bikes - Trevor Hawkins rode his Knolly
- medium bikes like Greg Lo (above) on his .243 and a few Whores on what
I heard referred to as sissy bikes - like Aaron Bowman who rode a Stumpjumper.
Photo ~ Cam McRae
I packed my Dakine pack with my camera, some food and tools and made my way
to the Old Buck parking lot on Seymour. Things were well under way when
I arrived. Tents were up, bikes were being tweaked and there was an odd
assortment of grown men wearing white coveralls. Further inspection revealed
these lads to be Team Shuttlewhore. This was their pre and post ride garb
and I approved immediately. The thing is I was scared; scared I wouldn't finish,
scared I'd be the weakest link and just plain old scared of pain. It's
not bad hurting when you have amortized that suffering over a period of training
but real suffering - the kind that comes from being unprepared physically -
is not my cup of tea. I had been putting in some vertical feet - many
of them with James on punishing singletrack climbs - but I didn't know if it
would be enough or if I'd be calling a cab from the Cleveland dam.
Exhibit A above - The look on my face makes it clear that I
didn't enjoy the Triple Crown at all. I had the perfect bike for the
day without a doubt. The SX Trail was the bike of choice on the way up
and on the way down. Photo ~ Donhok Han
Fortunately I knew there would be great support riding with Team Shuttlewhore.
It turns out there was Pilsner support, Stella support and best of all, delightfully
refreshing Russell Lemon
Ale support. In fact for most of the Whores the support began even
before the first pedal up - but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
nsmb.com does not endorse or recommend riding with this sort
of support. Photo ~ Donhok Han
James likes to tweak things just to make sure you don't forget about the event
so he made all of us do a lap of the parking lot sans bikes before saddling
up and beginning the long climb up to the CBC trailhead. I knew the flat
pedals would pay off. Seeing some of the riders ahead of me givin' 'er
I couldn't resist getting a tow for 500 metres of the climb just so I could
be at the front of the pack for a little while - and to tease the fast people
about 'being more non-competitive' than they are. This put me in
a position to talk to riders I wouldn't normally see and they made the climb
melt away like nothing (thanks Chris!). In fact I was getting cocky and
starting to think the whole Triple Crown was going to be a piece of piss.
A few Whores were ahead of me but most were behind thanks to the tow but eventually
they all drifted in. There was more support, some card collection and
I started to sense the rhythm of the day. It was pretty clear that we
weren't going to spoil the event by hurrying. Eventually Paul Kim, one
of the lead Whores, suggested we start down CBC. The pace again
could be described as relaxed and the primary focus was on having a good time.
We rolled CBC and then went into Ned's and Bottle Top before crossing the Seymour
river at Twin Bridges and up to the Demo Forest. I was surprised to see
Lou and Will - our support team - waiting at the top of the climb. I didn't
think we'd see them until the water tower. The Lemon Ale support was particularly
nice at this point. After we crossed into Lynn Valley we pedalled up until
we reached Mountain View Park. I suggested we climb the singletrack to
avoid Mountain Highway and the sun beating down on our heads and the Whores
were game - not a single grumble.
Look mummy look! I can fly! Rider Mark 'Synchro/Splinky/Ham
Chamois' Rowe Photo ~ Dave Tomczyk
When we reached the water tower it was time for some awesome sandwiches, a
game of blackjack with James for another card and once again a generous opportunity
for a breather. It was at this point that things started to descend into
behaviour that at best could be described as juvenile. I was all for it.
Jarrett Beatty, the nutbar who thought up Team Shuttlewhore had a proposition
for Mark Rowe (the builder of Salvation on Seymour). "Hey Splinky"
he said, "twenty bucks if you ride to the 6th switchback with a sandwich
where your chamois should be - call it a ham shammy." Mark was game
from the get go - even when it was decreed that the sandwich had to be open-faced.
Then things really went south. If you have a strong stomach and would
like to hear the entire tale click
here. If not - good choice. Read on.
Preparing the Ham Chamois. Photo ~ Donhok Han
Eventually everyone plodded to the 6th switchback where Franco greeted us all
cheerfully. The task at hand was a 10 second track stand - complete it
and you would get a card to fatten your poker hand. Team Shuttlewhore
had this task dialled.
A ten second track stand is no sweat when you have a brother
to lean on - or even a Whore. Photo ~ Cam McRae
After that it was down the loamy goodness of Executioner all the way to the
Baden Powell. From there we meandered through Upper Delbrook in North
Van on our way to Cleveland Park - just across the street from the dam of the
same name. This station was catered by Tommy's and there was a fine pasta
along with ribs. I wasn't feeling all that able to wolf down the good
eats though. The tuna salad sandwich that I had chased with Gatorade at
the water towers was going down like rusty razor blades. And then it started
trying to come up while my stomach began expanding at a rapid pace. In
short I was in great climbing shape. I figured I couldn't feel any worse
so I sipped on some Russell's and I actually began to feel better. I wasn't
about to start chowing down on the pasta but the pressure seemed to ease a little.
Once fully supported we coasted the short distance down to Cleveland dam and
pedalled across at a leisurely pace, steeling our selves for what would be for
me the nastiest climb of the day - the labyrinth that is the British Properties.
The sun was beating down on our helmets like a well aimed laser and the gaudy
6 million dollar houses did nothing to ease the pain - nor did pedalling by
wealthy residents frolicking in their private lake. After only one wrong
turn we finally arrived at Millstream - a trail that undulates above the properties
before reaching the lookout on Cypress.
Paul Kim hadn't been on a bike for four weeks before the Triple
Crown. He kept hydrated and supported and made it through smiling. Photo
~ Cam McRae
At the lookout there was more support to be had (of course) and then the final
pitch of our climb - two long switchbacks of the Cypress Bowl Road - without
any shade to be found. I love the unexpected boosts you sometimes get
on a really long ride. Maybe it's a lack of oxygen to the pain receptors
or a mass die off of brain cells but whatever the source I started to feel better
at this point, and I successfully challenged myself to stay in my middle ring
for the rest of the climb. Support got into high gear when we arrived
at lot 5 on Cypress - at the entrance to Blind Skier. Mary and Kathryn
were there already preparing our barbeque and Lou was keeping the support flowing
like the Mississippi. By 5:00 most of us had arrived - eight hours after
setting off at the bottom of Seymour. We may not have been fast but at
least we were slow.
Jarrett Beatty using his melon and earning a bonus card in lot
5 on Cypress. Photo ~ Dave Tomczyk
It was then that I began to realize what attracts the death marchers, marathoners
and tri athletes. There is a feeling of elation that comes with finishing
this sort of effort that transcends all the pain and struggle. Having
two exceptionally entertaining downhills under our belts didn't hurt either
- and we still had one to go. There were more antics to be had and of course
they centred around Mark, his posterior and sandwich products. They were
so successful they earned him the winning hand of the day.
Donhok Han (left) and Kimoon Kim came from Korea for a visit
and decided to stay. Donhok works for a Korean bike magazine and Kimoon runs
a distributor. Kimoon also rides fast and Donhok takes great photos. Photo
~ Cam McRae
By this point the cutoff at Dizzy Cycles was long gone but Team Shuttlewhore
keeps its own hours. It was 7:00 before we began to get our gear together for
the descent. I was hoping to go in search of Ed Sullivan - a beautiful
line from the old days - but someone informed me that Smoke got lost looking
for it last year. If it beat Johnny's trail radar I wasn't about to risk
it leading a group of fifteen tired stinky bastards. Mystery Downhill
was nothing but joy all the way down - some great hound-doggin' at speed.
After that it was into My Friend the Stupid Grouse - which some idiot in West
Van has renamed 'The Bell Trail.' It's been nubucked with crushed
gravel but it's still great fun and everyone rode surprisingly well despite
the effort expended earlier in the day. On the highway we put together a five
man break and rode a pace line until Pemberton heights and then dropped right
into the party in full swing at The Hurricane Grill.
Once again Ryan Walters (left) and Kevin Tafts blew away the
competition in the costume category. The rode all day on big bikes dressed
like this (plus helmets) and even took a rip down Air Supply. Photo ~ Dave Tomczyk
Once we arrived I learned that the team of Amber Wilson and Christine Platt
were the fastest women through the stations and Alec Black and Ron Edwards were
the fastest men. I can't tell you how fast they were because the Triple
Crown is not a timed event. We still appreciate a good effort though and
both pairs ripped. Amber and Platty lost some bragging rights for rolling
down the road instead of riding CBC but this is the Triple Crown and you can
do it however you like - even wimp out on a classic descent.
The barbeque at the top of Cypress was a little slice of heaven.
Thanks to Mary, Kathryn, Lou and Will for keeping us watered and fed
and to all of Team Shuttlewhore for having me along. Photo ~ Cam McRae
The last finishers were Lee Lau and Brian Earle - Team World of Pain.
Instead of riding the path of least resistance they took the Sea to Ski approach.
They started their ride by dipping their tires in the Ocean near the Second
Narrows Bridge. Then the kept climbing past CBC all the way to the lifts
on Seymour. After riding the trails down these Mark Weir impersonators
again touched the Salt Chuck before riding to the restaurant at the top of Grouse
Mountain. They were getting short on time when they hit the Cleveland
Park checkpoint and decided to forego another trip down to the Pacific and turned
North to the top of Cypress before heading down to the ocean once again and
then dragging their sorry baggies to the Hurricane Grill. In the end they
covered just about 97 km and over 3000 metres. Check out Lee's blog
entry for some great shots and his cool graph of heart rate, distance and
elevation.
The Cowboys of Coffee (Jeff Boeda, Steve Fraser and Eron Calderbank
aka CC Riders) were out in force and they were indeed fuelled by caffeine. Photo
~ Cam McRae
Despite my resistance I had a fantastic day. It turns out the Triple Crown
gets under your skin - and not like a nasty rash in your shorts - more like
the something you'll miss your sister's wedding for. It ranks as one of my most
memorable riding days ever and I would even call it one of the best. In
fact I can't wait to do it next year and you can bet I'm going to convince our
entire team to join me. Hope to see you next year. You won't regret it.
We have just launched our Article Discussion Forum today.
You don't have to be registered to post in this forum so fire away. If
you have a comment about this article (negative or positive - like Frasier Crane
- we're listening) or you'd like to see what others had to say click
here.
Matt Juhasz (left) and Jon Zammit took ripper king and queen
(they were still arguing over who was which last I heard) and won a pair of
sweet Specialized bmx bikes. They rode every Ripper this year and performed
well every time. Photo ~ Cam McRae
Ten Reasons Team Shuttlewhore rules it.
1) They enjoy beer (except Aaron who also rides "girlie xc bikes").
2) They have their own jerseys, t shirts, coveralls, wife-beaters, g-strings
and Prince Alberts
3) They are sponsored by Wedgewood - the folks that make China plates.
(Apparently WW isn't über keen on the team name)
4) Some wear lycra, some baggies, some lacy underthings; they don't discriminate.
5) The core Whores ride more than anyone I know.
6) They don't always shuttle.
7) They often night ride. Once they took a ferry to the Sunshine Coast
in the early evening, rode all night and came home on the morning ferry.
8) They belong to three marital categories; single, soon to be single or
married to patient women who for some reason don't object to a lot of 'time
on their own.'
9) Splinky will do anything for a buck.
10) Egos are checked at the trailhead. |
Cam McRae
Thanks to all our sponsors for the best season or Rippers
yet. The final figures aren't in yet but thanks to the participants,
volunteers and sponsors we've made a bundle for the nsmbA! Nice work
everyone.
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